Silver Moon
by Eclipse of Sanity
Summary: When a fangirl dreams, the strangest things happen. Isaac and co. are not off on a new adventure and Alex is simply far too dead to be swearing revenge.


**Silver Moon**

* * *

So, Golden Sun 3 was finally announced. This is staying up for the lulz.

Remember, if easily offended, do not bother reading, blah blah, Camelot owns Golden Sun.

* * *

Kairi sighed in irritation as she went on her rounds of the Internet. She checked the Camelot website's newsflash for the tenth time that day, then checked GameFAQs for any new games by Camelot, and also checked the Golden Sun boards.

Kairi looked in the topic that she had made three days ago on the Golden Sun: The Lost Age board.

**sesshyfangurl4eva**

_when's gs3 coming out?_

**Isaacfan22**

_Didn't you make an identical topic to this a month ago?_

**KradenSucks**

_Please stop asking. We have had many topics like this and we are sick of them. WE DO NOT KNOW ANYTHING YET._

Kairi let out an annoyed huff and sat back in her chair, her eyes narrowing. Nobody was ever nice and helpful on the board, they just snapped at her and told her to go away. She felt it her duty as a Golden Sun fangirl to ask about a third game at least once a month. Kairi immediately thought up a scathing reply and started typing it in.

**sesshyfangurl4eva**

_well i want to know when they announce one so you shut up dumbass!_

That would shut him up alright.

Kairi closed the Internet window, pausing briefly to drool over her wallpaper- a badly drawn, scanned in picture of Isaac and Garet cuddling each other with their tops off. She didn't care that it was the least popular slash pairing in the Golden Sun fandom at all, she knew they were going to profess true love in Golden Sun 3 and those two stupid whores, Mia and Jenna, could just find some other guys.

For a moment, Kairi thought about continuing her epic fanfic, Golden Sun 3: Silver Moon. It was already up to 38 chapters and was full of slash pairings. Alex had come back from the dead and tried to kill Isaac several times for Alchemy. There had been this stunning moment when Garet sacrificed himself to save Isaac. Then he was brought back to life. Kairi loved killing people, and sometimes she brought them back from the dead. Sometimes. But she rarely ever bothered to revive Felix, Ivan or Picard, except for dramatic plot twists. She disliked all three of them for some bizarre reason.

Kairi tapped her chin as she realised that Ivan was not yet dead in Silver Moon. He was in Anemos right now, having been kidnapped by Sheba's family to blackmail Hama into marrying Sheba's older brother. Felix and Picard had perished in an ambush by Vermin and Bats. Vermin were really strong. Kairi shuddered, remembering how long she had taken to beat the thieves in Vault. Anyway, the Vermin had totally killed Felix and Piers and she found it funny. Making Jenna go emo as a result of her brother's tragic death had also been funny. Kairi was, in fact, an evil sadist. Just like a lot of other fanfic writers then.

Kairi briefly opened the current chapter she was working on, to remind herself what she had last written.

_"Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha," Alex laughed evilly, evil oozing out of his atrocious being. His wicked laughter boomed out, ringing off the cave walls of rocky stone that were hard to the touch. "I have you now, Isaac!"_

_"Oh, no, you don't." Isaac glared, his sun-kissed golden hair shining radiantly in the sunlight that glanced off his back through the cave mouth. His cerulean, sky-blue colored eyes hardened with determination as he glared at Alex, the Sol Blade held aloft. It was still stained with Jenna's blood, after that time she stabbed herself with it after the death of her brother, when he was bitten by a strong, powerful Vermin. Isaac still remembered that terrible day when the Vermin attacked Felix and his boyfriend, Picard, and killed them both. That tragedy had also claimed Jenna's life in the end. He swore that one day he would avenge them and destroy every Vermin out there._

_"Hand over Alchemy," Alex ordered, looking very imposing as he ordered Isaac to give him Alchemy._

_"Make me," Isaac answered defiantly, defiance shining in his defiant cerulean sky-blue coloured eyes._

_"Then I must do this." Alex waved his hand. "Come here, Garet."_

_Garet stepped out from a gap in the cave wall, his eyes shining red. Isaac gasped. Of course! Garet had been missing a whole hour, how could he have not noticed his beloved's absence?_

_"I have brainwashed him," Alex said, laughing evilly. "He is now on my side! Garet, get him!"_

_"NOOOOOOOO," Isaac screamed as Garet walked towards him._

Kairi let out a yawn and glanced at her digital clock. It announced the time to be 01:04 am in shiny, red lights. Wow, it wasn't even bedtime yet and she was already tired! Kairi turned the computer off and went to sit on her bed, grabbing the Gameboy Advance sitting on a table. She turned it on and started playing Golden Sun: The Lost Age.

Currently, they were fighting the Doom Dragon. Kairi beat it in five minutes thanks to her Gameshark-enhanced stats and watched the ending. She laughed as she watched the dying parents, thinking it was so ironic. Of course, she felt sorry for her precious Isaac, but not for Felix or Jenna. Then they returned to Vale, and the real ending happened.

Kairi's eyes welled up with tears as the words **"The End"** appeared. She drifted off to sleep, imagining the word **Not** in front, so it became **"Not The End"** and the GBA fell from her hand, clattering to the floor.

Sunlight hit her eyelids. Kairi sat up blinking wildly, taking a look around. Her eyes widened as she saw a mountain in front of her. It looked strangely like Mt. Aleph.

"OMG!" Kairi shouted, running to the mountain and scaling it within seconds. "I'm actually on Mt. Aleph, I'm actually climbing it and..."

She let out a fiendish scream as she reached the summit. There was Alex! Kairi tentatively poked the body, shuddering in disgust. She HATED Alex.

Alex did not move. However, the random flies buzzing around him did.

Kairi gaped. What was Alex doing, lying there? He was supposed to be chasing Isaac across Weyard, laughing evilly whenever he tried to take Alchemy from him.

Then it occurred to Kairi. Alex was dead.

Not that she minded. But Alex couldn't be dead! No way! He was the main antagonist in Golden Sun 3! Kairi KNEW that Camelot was making a Golden Sun 3 right now with Alex as the antagonist and they were going to release it very soon, even though it was four years since Golden Sun: The Lost Age had been released in Japan! Camelot were simply keeping it a big secret because they wanted to. It was so secret, it was even more secret than Colonel Sanders' KFC spices!

Kairi kneeled next to the body, ignoring the smell, as she wondered what to do.

Was this the sequel, happening right now?

Somebody needed to go after Isaac and try to get all of Alchemy. It was law, it was some grand RPG clich, it was essential. Isaac could not be allowed to happily settle down and rest, nobody could. They had to go on brand new adventures every year until they were at least fifty, and then their children would go on adventures and then their grandchildren and so forth. Golden Sun had to be Camelot's Final Fantasy!

A brilliant idea occurred to Kairi. She stole the power off Alex's body. Just like that.

Now she had some of Alchemy!

Time to chase Isaac! Golden Sun 3: Silver Moon was going to happen! Or whatever they decided to call Golden Sun 3. Funny how there was no Golden Sun 2 yet everybody went on about Golden Sun 3.

Kairi laughed out loud as she leaped off Mt. Aleph and descended into New Vale. It was also odd how Vale always got rebuilt in so little time at all.

"Thank goodness that's the end of our adventures, huh?" Isaac laughed as he drank from a cool glass of lemonade.

The Adepts were currently standing around, drinking lemonade and chatting.

Kairi gaped from behind a tree. What were they _doing?_ Shouldn't they be fighting monsters and destroying evil or something? She frowned, trying to work on a grand plan. And how come nobody was kissing? Shouldn't there be love in the air? Why, in her twisted mind, Ivan had simply rejoined Isaac and Garet in Goma Cave because he had fallen in love with Isaac, not because of the quest. This unrequited love and jealousy of Garet usually led to Ivan going insane and trying to kill someone before suffering a fiery death, or some such fate.

"I'm going to really miss you all when I go back to Imil," Mia sighed.

No way. Mia never went back to Imil. Ever. She usually stayed in Vale and got kidnapped by Alex, then fell in love with him because she forgave him for everything. This often led to Mia betraying Isaac for Alex's heart. Kairi licked her lips as she remembered that scene she wrote where Isaac impaled Mia on his sword for betraying him. And he hadn't cared about killing the girl who was once his friend. Mia sucked anyway, in her opinion.

**"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA!"**

The Adepts turned in surprise, seeing a blonde girl standing by a tree and laughing her head off.

"Um, what?" Sheba raised an eyebrow.

"I am Kairi!" Kairi laughed. "I will destroy you all!"

"Aaaaaaaahhhhhh!" The Adepts scattered, screaming.

Kairi blinked. She turned around and looked up to see... the Wise One, hovering in the air just above her. So that was what they had been scared of?

"My hero!" Kairi fell to her knees. "All hail the Wise One!"

"What the heck?" The Wise One floated away, feeling very disturbed. The Adepts had run away from him and now some freaky girl was bowing to him. Maybe he needed to get some sleep.

Kairi pouted, then she got up and stalked away. Time to cause destruction. Off a few of Isaac's friends and he would be willing to fight her for revenge, and then she would claim Alchemy. With the power, she would revive the fallen and build for herself an army! Then Alex would return and come after her and they would have a duel to the death, and she would kill him.

Somehow she forgot Alex was _dead_.

Oh look, there was Felix, feeding a duck some bread. How nice. For ambushing him, that was. He was so distracted by the ducks, he wouldn't notice a blonde girl sneaking up and attempting to kill him, would he?

Kairi drew her sword and crept up, an evil grin on her face as she prepared to attack from behind.

Only to hear sounds of exploding stuff around her.

Felix heard the explosions, saw her with her sword drawn and ran in fright.

_Damn,_ Kairi cursed mentally, as black-suited people landed around her, ninja-style. They all had 'PGBHVA' emblazoned neatly onto their jackets.

"Who are you?" Kairi demanded, as the people surrounded her.

"We are the Psychotic Groupies of a Brown Haired Venus Adept." One of them flashed a card at her. "And you have committed the crime of attempting to harm Felix. You must be exterminated immediately."

Kairi gasped as they whipped out shotguns and aimed at her. Several safety catches clicked into position.

Then Kairi warped out.

Wow. When had she learned to do that?

Ooh, there was Ivan over there. Maybe she needed a minion. Even an annoying midget. Ivan had so much potential as a diabolical villain.

Kairi laughed and ran up, grabbing Ivan before he was even aware of her presence.

"HELP!" Ivan yelled, sensing that he was in great danger.

Kairi cursed and slapped a hand over his mouth.

"Silence!" Kairi laughed. "I shall kidnap you, Ivan! You shall become my loyal slave!"

Hey, there were new people. They had FBM written on their shirts and they were carrying ropes, knives and what looked like explosives.

The FBM approached her and Kairi tightened her grip on Ivan, suspiciously watching them.

"What do you want?" Kairi growled.

"We are FBM," One of them told her, holding up a grenade. She expertly ripped the pin out of the grenade with her teeth and spat it onto the ground. "Fans of the Blonde Midget. Hand Ivan over and your death will be somewhat less painful."

"Never!" Kairi laughed again, trying to drag Ivan away. However, a lightning bolt struck her and she went flying. Ivan smirked and ran. Kairi lay on the ground, feeling dazed. Hey, was that a grenade flying towards her?

Ten minutes later, Kairi was in agony and the FBM had left.

She stood up and shook her head. The whirr of a helicopter sounded above her and she looked up to see a black, shiny helicopter with PGBHVA on the side.

_Damn, they found me!_ Kairi healed herself and started running.

She collided with someone a minute later.

"Hey, watch where you're going." Picard gasped as he realised it was the creepy girl from before. He took a step back, wondering if he should run or fight. There was something about this girl that just screamed, "RUN FOR YOUR LIFE, YOU IDIOT!"

"Oh, Picard." Kairi smirked evilly. "Or Piers, or whatever you want to be called. I don't care. Prepare to die!"

Picard screamed in shock as Kairi whipped out a gigantic mallet. She was about to hit him with it but then a lasso landed around her neck and yanked her right off her feet. She went flying backwards into a tree and the hammer rolled away harmlessly. Picard mercifully escaped.

"What the heck?" Kairi mumbled. Now some people in blue suits were tying her to the tree.

"We are the Obsessors of a Blue Haired Lemurian," A girl with blue dyed hair said smugly, a hand on her hip. "Commonly called the OBHL, and now you're going to be hurt very painfully for trying to hurt Picard."

"POW POW PICARD!" The OBHL yelled at once.

"And we have also notified the PGBHVA of your location," The girl continued. "They are coming to hurt you even more when we're done."

"NOOOOOO!" Kairi screamed.

A couple hours elapsed.

The PGBHVA finished systematically drenching Kairi's injuries in vinegar then left, going off to do whatever they normally did.

"Curse you all!" Kairi yelled, struggling against the ropes. "I WILL ensure Golden Sun 3 happens! I mean it! Alex is coming back, kidnapping Mia and trying to get Alchemy off Isaac! He will! I don't care if he's dead! Alex is a cockroach, don't you know? I will wait and wait, I won't care if I hit sixty, I'll still be pestering people about a Golden Sun 3!"

Then she was suddenly sitting in front of a videogame store. Her skin was wrinkled and liver-spotted. Kairi shuddered and stood up, her kneecaps creaking. She leaned on a newspaper stand for support and blinked, looking at the date on the newspaper.

**Saturday, 6th April 2086. **

Ew. She was _ninety-eight! _

Kairi hobbled into the game store, feeling utterly disgusted. She approached the counter, wheezing from being short of breath.

"Hey, granny, shouldn't you be in a home?" The pimple faced teenager on the other side of the counter asked.

"Is Golden Sun 3 out yet?" Kairi wheezed.

"What the heck is Golden Sun?"

**_"NOOOOOOOOOO!" _**

Old Kairi had a heart attack and fell over dead.

(Wouldn't we all do that? Well, not have a heart attack. But we'd scream, yes?)

Kairi sat up in bed, screaming like a banshee.

She immediately ran to her computer for comfort and went onto the Internet. Yes, the Golden Sun fandom still existed. Everything still existed. Kairi quickly checked to see if there were any news of a third Golden Sun. Nope, not yet.

Oh well. Maybe tomorrow.


End file.
